Tiffany Believes in Miracles

“Tiffany Believes InMiracles” by Esmond Ng 17/07/12 © Copyright

Tiffany Choo Yong Li (04/09/1987 – 13/07/2012)

You’re gone, yet you’re here,
You’ve left, yet in our lives inhabit.
Beautiful times they abide in our hearts,
Etched sorely in each every mind.

Love a word too faint describe,
All your friends of you surely none’d deny.
Fixedly you brought smiles and joy,
Typed boldly in our pages of life.

I’m sure I for many say this,
That I should have spent a bit, just a bit more time.
To catch up over coffee,
To have caught you in your prime.

Your luster flamed away fleetly,
The candle jealous’d of your shine.
But you lit up all of our nights,
And shone’d brightly in our darkest times.

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God’s Miracles

I grew up in a Christian family and did all the things other Christian kids did. Going to sunday school, joining youth fellowships and trusting God as my Lord and Saviour. Although I was “born” into a Christian family, I genuinely knew for myself that God was real in my life. I ended up getting very involved in the youth worships; playing the guitar and occasionally leading it. Everything seemed to be heading in the right direction. God blessed me tremendously. I did very well in school; getting scholarships, book prizes and the lot. I never had any major catastrophes to deal with. So basically life was all good.

Well in any story, there has got be some twist and turns right? At some point in time my “perfect” family started to crumble. Sparing the details, my sheltered existence took one of the biggest downturns I had ever been accosted with. I started to blame God for everything bad that happened even though I knew he had an infallible plan for us all. Despite that, blaming someone else was always the easiest option. I simply chose to not see his faithfulness carrying me through.

I wanted more than just contend to know that God was there. Becoming defiant, I conveniently turned my back to him. I wanted my own “Miracle” to prove that God still loved me. I would often say: “If you are omnipotent and all knowing, show me a sign. Show me that you are real to me.”

From then on, things got really bad. I dropped out of church and indulged in almost everything unholy and corrupt. To be honest, I haven’t really fully recovered until this day. Although I knew deep down that God was always watching me and keeping me safe, I elected to ignore all the little rainbows he sent to me. So there I was, continuing with my new-found “freedom” and uninhibited lifestyle.

I guess everything has a threshold. As a balloon can only stretch that much, a person can only tolerate so much pain. My breakdown point was really Jero. (in a few posts prior) He is such a darling to me that I really didn’t have the strength to envisage the possibility of loosing him so soon. In desperation, I could only think of God to turn to. He was the only One that I could really confide in and pour everything that hurt me all these years. In all candor, it felt really good. It felt like all the weight that had burdened me all this time was suddenly lifted.

All this desolate while, my oasis was right in front of me. I had just blatantly brushed it off as a mirage; turning a blind eye to it. I had my “Miracle” all along. It just took Jero to show it to me.

No, the miracle wasn’t Jero’s recovery. It is God’s steadfast love and endless mercy for me. It is God’s undying affection for a wayward child like me. He is the alpha and the omega that I just didn’t want to see. He did not promise life to be a bed of roses. But he did promise that he’ll be there to carry us all through. Amen.

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Your Smiles

“Your Smiles” by Esmond Ng © copyright 20/02/06

If a smile can win the world over,
Nothing is beyond Thy reach.
If a smile can make grey skies blue,
Why rainbows do we need?

A child’s smile innocently put,
Melt hearts without universal speech.
If smiles do miracles around us every each,
Then why not I see you smile more than you really mean?

Thee had said smiles better frowns than,
For someone may indeed be falling for them.
Losing only to a loving kiss,
A smile’s a gift kindly a beautiful thing.

I believe smiles genuine stems from happiness within,
Something we all long but forlorn it seems.
Why not let your smiles guide life along with steps take Thee,
For they mean you be most joyous at that instance be.

I seek a smile on you every second to see,
A smile on you brings many smiles to me.
For wrinkles not age but tells where smiles have been,
I wish those smiles were hath been because me.

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How to find Rainbows

Had another dear friend who used to leave this as her nick in MSN. “Everyone goes through storms before finding their Rainbows.” (Source: Unknown) I actually quite agree with that statement. Personally, I found it very encouraging and empowering especially if you’re feeling blue.

Then, I realized an exception to this. What happens if you didn’t go through any storms? What happens if you just happen to walk past one after the storms had past? Does it mean it’s any less of a Rainbow?

It’s human to err. More so, it’s human to neglect and take for granted the lovely things and people around us each and every second. Often, we don’t appreciate them until they’re no longer there. Sometimes, we don’t even see them at all!

There are more Rainbows amongst us than we think. A lot of the time, we get so fixated on wanting to make something a Rainbow, we fail to see the apparent ones around us. We get so resolute on creating a miracle with someone or something that we just can’t see the other marvels occurring besides us. Hence, Esmond’s very own quote for November:

“Question: How do you find the prettiest Rainbows?
Answer: By looking past and around them instead.”
~ © Esmond Ng 04/11/05

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Rainbows

“Rainbows” by Esmond Ng © copyright 12/10/05

Rainbows, the most spectacular show of lights on Earth.
Colors which make happy even the darkest of Hades.
Called so due to dispersed spectrum through mist,
Miracle of Nature indeed it is.

Seven colors some deem display of refraction properties.
Simply I ascribe each to every day of week,
That thoughts of you equally as pleasing sweet;
So such candied beauty is actually reflected on Thy cheeks.

What makes it all amazing, the bow of the rain,
Bending it’s colorations down for Thee.
Few fathom the top of bow is where ye sun is peaked,
The very place Thou be when Thy eyes chance upon should it.

More so fewer knows the sun be behind when Rainbows are seen;
The warm rays of console backing you though unseen.
When Thou should thinkst all is gloom and so biting,
Turn and look, there may your forlorn beam be.

I have heard from a dear friend this,
“That everyone through storms go before a Rainbow achieved.”
Think of it this, even Noah’s storm for forty days and nights did;
Take heart Dearie, your Rainbow is on due way soon you’ll see.

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The Disconsolate Angel

“The Disconsolate Angel” by Esmond Ng © copyright 06/10/05

Seemingly beyond consolation you lay,
In your tears hidden by the feigning smile you display.
But bystanders they truly see in Thy angelic grace,
That your rainbow will come soon; hold on to your faith.

Thou art remain strong I pray,
The disconsolate Angel in all so beauty’s allure.
If so really Thou’s soul did die when he went away,
How so the world stays in awe when my eyes set on your face?

For not all will appreciate an Angel image,
Just like an unbeliever to a miracle’s envisage.
Wrong he did to you; you so unfairly perceived,
However wrong then you, because he be the one on losing’s receive.

Sometimes Love not work our way,
It’s been so since man can relate.
Not at all smooth our experiences vouch this journey,
But after each means we are closer to our fairy dreamings.

With every heart-felt pain we take away,
Lessons learned, all of which valuable to assist.
After storms, we then know better what future brings,
And what to avoid when rainbow’s gold at end we see.

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How have you been?

“How have you been?” by Esmond Ng 16/06/05 © copyright

Not sure if realize Thee, it’s been almost three full moons since last;
That I’ve seen those windows in eyes so lovely.
Last couple of days, can’t help me but thinks’t;
Of you and how Life has treated Thee.

I don’t have much ways to convey, to express.
But only through these words I message my thoughts that hoping you’d read.
That I’m still around wishing best everything for someone special to me.
That till this day, Thou art still amazing vividly.

Though short this period be, to me eternity time so seems.
Many things changed have may, from lodging to even studies.
Simple things these like, I have no benefit of sharing.
And simply no means of even knowing.

For no news is often said of as good news,
Thus I trust that Thee be well doing.
Sincerely I hope it be of this conjured case,
For if otherwise I’d be truly sad; hurting.

Pray I do still, that for you everything smooth sailing.
Many times, for my miracle that you’d call me so occasionally.
Most importantly however I need,
Thee be in happy bliss.

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