My Pseudo Lover

“My Pseudo Lover” by Esmond Ng 30/08/12 © Copyright

We met, the unlikeliest of places in,
Over periwinkles and happily ever-afters.
You laughed initially, at the girl of dreams my,
But soon you saw, what really meant I.

We coupled, our fixations shared,
Remote and absurd but our inhibitions bared.
You suggested we chat and did we,
A bee to flower it soon daily be.

We dreamt of each other funny,
For never met had we.
And we heard each other’s soul acutely,
Though our voices, too had not we.

I became your morning addiction,
And you, I didn’t make known, became mine.
I wrote you poems and messages sweet,
Some that made you tingled, multiply.

We made Love, cuddled and caressed,
Through our thoughts and words unclad.
We made Love on our minds’ ends,
The longings we couldn’t repress.

I had thought we should have next stepped,
I had thought we both were ready.
But guesses me over Sunday no not maybe,
That sure, my Pseudo Lover isn’t yet she.

Now she distanced seems,
My fault, I keep blaming me.
Why the haste so,
Why stupidly did I do, what did me.

She dilemmas over us,
And rightly so should she.
As in her mind reruns our memories,
So I too, her pinky promises to me.

Rereading our writings umpteenly,
Unknowingly attached have become me.
And all this while I tried to steal pieces of your heart,
You had already taken mine completely.

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14 Ways to know if you’re Broken

1. You realize that you can feel all the emotional statuses appearing on your Facebook feed.
2. You realize you can zone out for extended periods without any recollection of what you did, how you got to somewhere, why were doing something, et cetera.
3. You have compulsive behavior over things you know don’t make a difference to the issue.
4. You need to control the verge of tearing the minute you are alone. e.g. In the washroom’s cubicle.
5. You have to fight back tearing at your colleague’s personal life sharing.
6. You can tremble your lips within 10 seconds, well your eyes within 20, and switch from all smiles to a face full of tears within 30.
7. You cry uncontrollably to Wedding proposal videos on YouTube.
8. You cry to memories half a year old.
9. You cry to imaginary scenarios you create.
10. You cry to anything and everything remotely touching.
11. You cry during Worship sessions at church.
12. You cry without realizing that you are.
13. You tell everyone that you’re alright but you know deep down that you are capable of swinging back to the lowest point at the snap of a finger.
14. You managed to say yes to all the above within the last 2 weeks.

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Merry Christmas

“Merry Christmas” by Esmond Ng 15/12/11 © Copyright

It’s been an awful long time since last engaged we,
But that doesn’t mean our friendship to any less.
Still remember I thee as that lovely girl I first eyed,
Oh what joy, youthful infatuations from my past.

Thank you for creating that pivotal point in my Life,
And a juncture that I visit every now every then.
Say so today as I would have back then,
Ay, thy cherry lips and skin fair as palely ice.

Nae man can tether time or tide,
All’s gone are but memories which I treasure hold tight.
Irrevocably, my days more colored for met I you,
So fate and fortune decreed I met thee in my time.

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Missing Nadia

“Missing Nadia” by Esmond Ng 01/12/11 © Copyright

(07 Feb 2006 – 29 Jan 2010)

The memories you left, created treasures more King,
The pain we embrace, we rejoice for meaning we did.
Our tears, they bridge a stairway for us to reach,
Your wings around us surely, when hear we rustle of winds.

We miss you so much Nadia.

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You Still You? A Coffee Sometime?

“You Still You? A Coffee Sometime?” by Esmond Ng 24/02/11 © Copyright

Just on Monday I was reminded,
For a storey away close; Of you.
Just Today in chat my friend and I of,
Memories fond; our once’d treasured, Loved.

Today totally caught me off guard unexpected,
This Wednesday of news bad but in night appeared,
After Time had sailed you far along that River of Life,
Never thought I again would that memory in Real’s light.

You know you look the same no different from first,
When first I with at Harbor’s Front with you.
You look exactly how I remembered countless of times,
When we first dotted those stars on our only starred sky.

Perhaps a little weathered but still you,
Cherry-lipped and fair maiden’d skin I had in 05 described.
Perhaps a little jaded but still you to I,
Sunny eyed which warmed my chilled barefooted beach night.

And if you be reading this on this night I write,
Kid not I myself but still u and I same mind’d.
For those lavender moments we held close to mind,
A friend, could I ask for perhaps a coffee again sometime?

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Again

“Again” by Esmond Ng 28/07/10 © Copyright

Another year briskly it’s time again,
How age catches outruns our each day.
On not how each candle adds to date,
But on our virgin meet 27 shinings away.

5 and 2 months; resemblance to yesterday,
Though blink of eye, yours vividly remain.
I wonder if the flowers its’ scent will one day,
Be erased; forgotten, our Time in some place.

Know not when this silence of summer’s night fade,
My memories they bring me to that very first fate.
And before Time its habit to slip away,
This year once again, wishings; a Happy Birthday.

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In Memory

In Loving Memory of Stephanie Tan Lai Chan (23/01/89 – 01/01/10)

“In Memory” by Esmond Ng 02/01/10 © Copyright

I would see you almost every other day,
But yet you, I’d not know beyond your name.
Too few hellos and goodbyes we’d have,
Time too haste, too fast to chase.

We shared too, too little exchanges;
Of hearty smiles and laughter candor.
Of our ups and downs, and cheer and fears.
Fair in times like these never, know not I will ever.

I’d never know how your demeanor,
Of what your friends about you say.
How you’d react to the funny things, I have yet no chance to say.
Know not I will ever, this friend I have yet to truly make.

For our God has chosen for you,
To His bosom side to stay.
And though we’ll all miss you in our each own ways,
We’d like you to know, you were not in vain.

For your memories and image they live on,
In those whom sighted you as you blazed along.
Like a comet gone too soon,
We’ll reminisce till we’re blazed out too.

In three weeks 21 you’d be,
“Happy Birthday, Steph!” to you from me.
A final teary “Goodbye” for now it seems,
Hearts, your family, friends and me.

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Time in Some Place

“Time in Some Place” by Esmond Ng 11/03/09 © Copyright

Miraculous it may seem,
Fate works its ways in us beings.
For never did I imagine could be,
What I seek’d in front of me.

Once I hanker’d and once I did receive,
Paints of memories and etch’d it did.
An innocent Romeo & Juliet story,
Coincidences in most everything.

Like the end of tragic Love stories,
Too ours perhaps guileless and naïve.
But these flowers its’ scent can’t be erased,
Even long after they’re gone we had our Time in some place.

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Silver Linings

“Silver Linings” by Esmond Ng 11/03/09 © Copyright

Remember I the times sore,
Stricken; afflicted and wretched.
Besetment assail’d from above,
Like the bottomward that downpour’d.

There sat I at sixes and sevens,
Dazed at what just befell.
For at the bridge knew not I,
What wrong I did nor neither fate might.

How did such beauty and perfection cease?
Why my imaginary cloud shapes no longer pleased?
For the bright blessed day of just 5 minutes,
Now overcast acerbity.

Though things may sometimes I never know,
Left unsolved it may best be so.
Memories more precious for there in Heart stays,
But storms will eventually dissipate.

With time I sat the more I knew,
Darkest clouds too come and go.
Silver linings are there always,
When storms pass there they glow.

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Love should not need

“Love should not need” by Esmond Ng © copyright 07/01/06

Words from Thy Heart need not speak,
For tongues unworldly fit deem to say of it.
See need not Love’s eye to sight,
That what you be feeling needn’t show explicit.

Thoughts as such no one seems know,
Less even as to touch your soul.
I beg to differ that it be not the involvement of hands,
That melts what where your true self beats.

Thou longeth for glances candied and delicate lips,
Even memories to warm up and safe keep.
But most of all what your beatings forlorn need,
Is a Love; fairytale ever after to exist.

I be saying all these as same I somewhat agree,
That what you dearly hold on to I can relate honestly.
If kind fate should ever decree favorably,
Too I search what you too seek.

Magical if such Love should indeed extant be,
Doubt I that Thou will really ever should need;
Such speech, sight, mind and senses sweet,
For Love is the only thing needed transcend all these.

No words said but thoughts the other knows,
No visions but the other Thee clearly in head sees.
No tendering touches but still lucidly; felt we.
For Love true should if exist,
All these irrelevant be; we not need.

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Forget Me

“Forget Me” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/12/05

Forget you?
Why should I?
For to me you the most pleasant;
Of all my memories present.

Forget you?
And the reason being?
Not that hopes of rekindled feelings hold,
Just as a dear friend I hope still own.

They say:
“Friends are friends forever.”
Ain’t that the way supposed it be?
Then why I feel ostracized and such enmity?

I still do cry out Heavenly One,
Not for Love to come my way.
But for happiness your way,
And all that you wish for to stay.

I may have mistakes made,
Along this lonely path swayed.
But I am just man to err,
Not an excuse but forgiveness please I pray.

At the end of my days,
I still hope to have this memory engraved.
That maybe sweet thoughts of you,
Can keep my beliefs sane.

Oh no, I haven’t changed.
I still believe, I still do keep;
That someday true Love cometh,
This never smooth road runneth.

Then I ask once again.
“Forget me”, “Why?” I say.
For all this searching while for,
A perfect memory I’ve found that day.

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This Place

“This Place” by Esmond Ng © copyright 25/11/05

After all, this was where I first saw you in white angelic.
The place I picked you up from for our first date.
The place I thought I would see the sweetest thing to my eyes each every day.
The place which stayed the one who took my last true love breath away.

At this place I hold much lovely memories but also pain.
That I would hurt someone and disappoint her till this day.
At this place, never the same it will be.
At this place, they soon will tear down; cease to exist.

But at this place, though no longer soon be;
Will stay the same in heart and mind; like you be to me.
For I to you, believe you still say the same;
That you be a holder of past “begone” memories.

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Treasure Before Lost

“Treasure Before Lost” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/08/05

They say: “Why do people treasure things only after they lose it?”
May it be the missings during lonely moments?
May it be the memories so sweet brought back?
Perhaps even the familiarity of not having what used to be about?

Why then do people complain about those not already there?
Why then do people lament about things already sunk and gone?
But do they not see the after; what may in future store?
The subsequent treasures that may come forth?

I say to them: “Why treasure what’s already gone, already lost?”
What’s the use of saying treasure only after forgone?
Why not treasure what’s here and now?
What’s truly right in front of you that still is around;
And not turn into another treasure only after gone.

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Eagles of the Bay

“Eagles of the Bay” by Esmond Ng © copyright 26/05/05

Many times I’ve come and disappointed left.
Many tries for familiar sights to find; refresh.
Yet they seem to elude me with each and every visit,
By the bay, which for me have come to like.

Like may be too light a word used,
Heavy, it should be love the place I do.
Memories I hold dear survive at this bay,
And new paintings, pictures see I each stay.

Today must lucky have been my day,
Wait’d and our Eagle appear’d in soaring height.
Like Cupid’s arrow that dart’d across ye clear blue sky,
So too it was there, that His arrow shot me;
Making me Love’s blind.

That must have been all you’d say.
Elated I be this very day.
However just when all couldn’t be more bright,
Out came a little Eagle chasing His mother’s flight.

Oh how much glee they brought to me,
This day I regret not, myself by this sea.
For I know sometimes Thee doeth the same as me,
Try perhaps too, spot them and thinks’t of me.

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The different same old bridge

“The different same old bridge” by Esmond Ng 18/05/05 © copyright

Walk’d back to the all so familiar bridge.
Today it seems gloomy, might may drizzle rain due.
Stopp’d and sat on the same damp seat,
Today it really be different, the same old bridge.

The entire arvo I did spend by the bay,
Waiting for sights so well I knew.
But never did my eagle appear,
Nor my differing poles look pretty still.

People that jostl’d, travelers fearless of ye heaven’s tears.
Flashes that capture memories, all were in use.
Even a newly wed, in angelic whites brave’d;
The rain, which fell on me only feel.

Time on bridge which for we still’d;
Had left my side like which you did too.
Time, no longer a friend on ye lovely bridge.
For grey turned to darks’t and day to night’s way gave.
Nay, the different same old bridge did not stand still.

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Paint my memories

“Paint my memories” by Esmond Ng © copyright 25/05/05

I know Sorry is a word redundant,
When you have set out to eradicate me.
I know my explanations mean nothing,
For a verdict like a judge did pass me.

The reason for end is not as important as the ending,
This finale is not at all beautiful like stories seem.
But it may be best this way an end to all these,
For I realize myself too that anything to you I can’t promise.

I did enjoy your company, I really did.
Everything a memory I would still want to cherish.
Never did intend to use thee lik’d thee had deem’d me,
But it’s really not crucial the reasoning already.

For know myself more through knowing thee,
That in my heart someone else is still within me.
“Paint my memories” she did really,
A painting with varnish and medium to last for centuries.

Lest it be less use to say it,
It be best still the word to put it.
Thou do deserve someone better, someone that can give;
Sorry, that for you one is not me.

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Saga Seeds

“Saga Seeds” by Esmond Ng © copyright 04/05/05

I thinks’t of thee from time to time,
Wonder if at times, I cross’d thy mind?
Even in dreams, thee appears.
Sometimes however good or bad,
Is still as sweet a dream can be.

Dreams be the only place I can see.
Now that live I unaccustom’d without thee;
Ye only place which sweet be to me.
Yes, I think back to places where we’d be.
Yes, they are such lip-lifting memories.

Like Saga Seeds which thinks’t of begone acts,
Something which we both can attest;
Relish of sentiments past and gone,
A trait that you wouldn’t not understand.

Thus pray I to thee, blame not be unto me.
For it is in genuine me,
To thinks’t and not forget thee.

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The Glass Globe Dream

“The Glass Globe Dream” by Esmond Ng © copyright 04/05/05

As the world within the glass globe seems,
So pretty and everlasting be.
I wish the same of every Love story.
In one way within, perfection and fairytale achiev’d.

Precious Moments may some see it,
Forever memories others deem.
For others like me, looking in from the world outside;
It really be forlorn a journey.

Whether be me or another in glass globe dream,
Sincerely wish I the best for thee.
For really if I have Loved or so I’m convinc’d,
Then be happy is all I need from thee.

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Life is Beautiful

“Life is Beautiful” – 28/09/04 © copyright Esmond Ng

Life was never meant roses lining the way
Nor it be shelter from storms and winds strong
If it truly be of other case
Then never will thee see wars that cometh strife and pain’st

God, my father whom doeth incredible things
Not see do we his fathomed plans which play
Meant not what rain is to us, but is to trees on the plain
Sometimes really Fate not work our way

Cry you, “Please be like yesterday”
“Pray no”, I say to thee as no such thing
As rainbows grace the blue after the grey as you’d think’st
So too, look forward to the after where there is not yet pain

If Achievement came before Failure as in dictionaries’ say
Man would know never how success came
Memories honestly mean the past now sunk’st
Why bore over then relish the already won

Phyllis which is green bough to the Greeks
Signifies Life from you which brim
Never did leaves cease growing should they be trimm’d
Ask, why then should thee not flourish again.

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