My Pseudo Lover

“My Pseudo Lover” by Esmond Ng 30/08/12 © Copyright

We met, the unlikeliest of places in,
Over periwinkles and happily ever-afters.
You laughed initially, at the girl of dreams my,
But soon you saw, what really meant I.

We coupled, our fixations shared,
Remote and absurd but our inhibitions bared.
You suggested we chat and did we,
A bee to flower it soon daily be.

We dreamt of each other funny,
For never met had we.
And we heard each other’s soul acutely,
Though our voices, too had not we.

I became your morning addiction,
And you, I didn’t make known, became mine.
I wrote you poems and messages sweet,
Some that made you tingled, multiply.

We made Love, cuddled and caressed,
Through our thoughts and words unclad.
We made Love on our minds’ ends,
The longings we couldn’t repress.

I had thought we should have next stepped,
I had thought we both were ready.
But guesses me over Sunday no not maybe,
That sure, my Pseudo Lover isn’t yet she.

Now she distanced seems,
My fault, I keep blaming me.
Why the haste so,
Why stupidly did I do, what did me.

She dilemmas over us,
And rightly so should she.
As in her mind reruns our memories,
So I too, her pinky promises to me.

Rereading our writings umpteenly,
Unknowingly attached have become me.
And all this while I tried to steal pieces of your heart,
You had already taken mine completely.

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Tiffany Believes in Miracles

“Tiffany Believes InMiracles” by Esmond Ng 17/07/12 © Copyright

Tiffany Choo Yong Li (04/09/1987 – 13/07/2012)

You’re gone, yet you’re here,
You’ve left, yet in our lives inhabit.
Beautiful times they abide in our hearts,
Etched sorely in each every mind.

Love a word too faint describe,
All your friends of you surely none’d deny.
Fixedly you brought smiles and joy,
Typed boldly in our pages of life.

I’m sure I for many say this,
That I should have spent a bit, just a bit more time.
To catch up over coffee,
To have caught you in your prime.

Your luster flamed away fleetly,
The candle jealous’d of your shine.
But you lit up all of our nights,
And shone’d brightly in our darkest times.

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Take her in the wind

“Take her in the wind” by Esmond Ng 25/02/12 © Copyright

You get not what you want, but want what you can’t.
You hurt the shes whom heart you,
Yet are hurt by she you gave yours to.
Wouldn’t it just a mystery be, if Life kindly treats,
Us for once what we would like be treat.
What’s gone is best perhaps left in the wind,
For thoughts that return within carry its chills, its pins.
And with each whispering rustle kiss,
It cuts bone deep, really so deep.

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Can You Feel This?

“Can you feel this?” by Esmond Ng 09/10/11 © Copyright

They say Lovers’ hearts are connected,
Do you concur with they?
That one would feel the other’s pain,
Do you are you the same?

For this now shattering falling apart each worse than the last,
With every new day’s curse exponentially crushed.
Ceteris paribus but yet the air I feel thinning,
And how my breathing’s choking my own breathing.

In my silent screams I jerk sometimes looking up to see,
Nothing but what blur a person drowning might glimpse.
Beneath the salty sea of tears my head would downwards quiver,
Forms but another sea of which for me to go under.

I look into the mirror but all is your face in it,
And it hurts for me to see you in such manner.
But it’s my own crinkled lips and clatter of teeth that’s here,
My convulsions you go through too I wonder?

I love you and you said,
Each time I said you’d miss a beat.
How can something so right be so wrong,
That you’ll bear for me to give away?

You have on my chest rested and heard,
That it beats for you too surely.
And in my embrace you have felt,
The world of you in me.

How am I supposed to live without you,
When you take the reason my heart beats away?
How am I supposed to live,
If my world would cease without you to exist?

This whole ballad was written drenched,
And I can hardly see what was penned.
But every word was coughed out,
Amidst the breaths I tried to catch.

There is hardly any more beautiful,
Than waves that return.
To kiss the very shore it loves,
After each it’s sent away.

I know that at times things may beyond me be,
And none I can do but wish you smiles and better than me.
But if we are as magically linked as we both agreed,
My Queen, surely you can feel this.
Surely you can feel this.

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All You Did

“All You Did” by Esmond Ng 02/03/11 © Copyright

When you left,
All you did was say why.
Of what you can’t give,
And how the uphill justifies.

When you left,
All you did was pack, go.
With each memory you bagged,
You baggage’d some of mine also.

When you left,
All you did was take chunks of me.
You carried on with such ease,
Away along such that I incomplete,
I hurt, and I in pain,
Did not why you not ask instead?
Of how it till day this aches,
My Heart in parts did you take.

Why when you left,
All you did was leave?
Did not you know I would skip beats?
For bits of me you foreign’d abroad;
There I be, you I long.

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Everyone Else

“Everyone Else” by Esmond Ng 14/02/11 © Copyright

One of my favorite celebrations,
One that makes Love, to me alive.
The one which fairies my idealistic Life,
The one which longs my Heart so desire.

And yet again Love cruels my truest affection,
To the You I thought finally found the other.
Yet the beats do not strike as intended,
The Hearts somewhat I perhaps mistaken.

Was it folly of me to give once more,
I fall in too easily and Frank says too fast.
In Love She could have misinterpreted,
Maybe too hard for her Heart to fully grasp.

So what make of I this Love declaration sad?
Now once more drowneth I in self-pity distress.
But for all my friends whom their Loves have met,
This day for everyone else Valentines glad.

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Why wasn’t I the First?

“Why wasn’t I the First?” by Esmond Ng 23/01/11 © Copyright

To me Love is but to Love,
Nothing less than which suffices the word.
To me Love is surely to give,
Unconditionally to put the other as first.

When sit I in still of night ponder,
Why of all do I miss Thee every unengaged?
Of my waking moments does do doeth,
That you fill my mind of you and your images.

Nothing else matters,
For you am I yours only should you ask given.
I am everything I choose for you be,
If only you see what I see.

But this night I sit again yet rethinketh,
What be I to you then I wonder.
Would I be to you what you be to me?
Would I be first everything just like my Love to me?

For you not to me what I to you,
Always had put in first place my heart true.
I believed once, I did,
I believed in you and me.

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My Eyes on You

“My Eyes on You” by Esmond Ng 01/06/10 © Copyright

I recall when the world for us stilled,
Nothing mattered much when I with you.
We talked for ages though we’ve just met,
Of similarities we did not reenact.

When gentle eyes yours set on mine,
My vision blurred from corner both sides.
For what my Heart sought I now see before,
My first True Love, perhaps my only all.

Know I that you will know this too,
That to me there is only one; only you.
Till now I could never like before,
My eyes on anyone set like I did yours.

I could not; never wander from you,
Your baring eyes spoke such cherishing truth.
That if eternity could be any longer to,
I choose my eyes, again will on you.

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In Memory

In Loving Memory of Stephanie Tan Lai Chan (23/01/89 – 01/01/10)

“In Memory” by Esmond Ng 02/01/10 © Copyright

I would see you almost every other day,
But yet you, I’d not know beyond your name.
Too few hellos and goodbyes we’d have,
Time too haste, too fast to chase.

We shared too, too little exchanges;
Of hearty smiles and laughter candor.
Of our ups and downs, and cheer and fears.
Fair in times like these never, know not I will ever.

I’d never know how your demeanor,
Of what your friends about you say.
How you’d react to the funny things, I have yet no chance to say.
Know not I will ever, this friend I have yet to truly make.

For our God has chosen for you,
To His bosom side to stay.
And though we’ll all miss you in our each own ways,
We’d like you to know, you were not in vain.

For your memories and image they live on,
In those whom sighted you as you blazed along.
Like a comet gone too soon,
We’ll reminisce till we’re blazed out too.

In three weeks 21 you’d be,
“Happy Birthday, Steph!” to you from me.
A final teary “Goodbye” for now it seems,
Hearts, your family, friends and me.

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I Pray

“I Pray” by Esmond Ng 12/08/09 © copyright

I pray for abounding things,
Of most many yen the same.
Unvarnished to ornamented they be,
How fervently amaranthine we seek.

I pray for prime and clean bill,
To forward my trade pursuits.
From which treasure riches return,
All worldly possessions we yearn.

I pray for Love innocent and true,
The meeting of Hearts to hold to.
I pray this turn finally be mine,
This time to find my Valentine.

But all of these I had asked lavish,
I pray equally take from me; banish.
For give rather I in place of these,
That You in replace will all above receive.

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Silver Linings

“Silver Linings” by Esmond Ng 11/03/09 © Copyright

Remember I the times sore,
Stricken; afflicted and wretched.
Besetment assail’d from above,
Like the bottomward that downpour’d.

There sat I at sixes and sevens,
Dazed at what just befell.
For at the bridge knew not I,
What wrong I did nor neither fate might.

How did such beauty and perfection cease?
Why my imaginary cloud shapes no longer pleased?
For the bright blessed day of just 5 minutes,
Now overcast acerbity.

Though things may sometimes I never know,
Left unsolved it may best be so.
Memories more precious for there in Heart stays,
But storms will eventually dissipate.

With time I sat the more I knew,
Darkest clouds too come and go.
Silver linings are there always,
When storms pass there they glow.

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I Love You

“I Love You” by Esmond Ng © copyright 03/03/06

These three words most commonly used;
Misused, underused and superfluously accented.
For oft-imagined they only indulged in Lovers’ converse,
Neglected Love of kinships and friends due.

If Fate so callously command should to me,
That next beautiful sunrise again I will never see.
Then let all I adore be told these three,
Lest they cease to ever remember me remember Thee.

For Love be from me to my Parents rightfully,
And Love be to all close or even acquainted me.
Not least be Love to fore Lovers of mine give,
That each did I bare for Thine wholeheartedly.

Did chance not I had to profess all these?
Nay I say, for my actions they preceded me.
Only for moments with me not around to please,
I Love You for moments just like these.

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Your Smiles

“Your Smiles” by Esmond Ng © copyright 20/02/06

If a smile can win the world over,
Nothing is beyond Thy reach.
If a smile can make grey skies blue,
Why rainbows do we need?

A child’s smile innocently put,
Melt hearts without universal speech.
If smiles do miracles around us every each,
Then why not I see you smile more than you really mean?

Thee had said smiles better frowns than,
For someone may indeed be falling for them.
Losing only to a loving kiss,
A smile’s a gift kindly a beautiful thing.

I believe smiles genuine stems from happiness within,
Something we all long but forlorn it seems.
Why not let your smiles guide life along with steps take Thee,
For they mean you be most joyous at that instance be.

I seek a smile on you every second to see,
A smile on you brings many smiles to me.
For wrinkles not age but tells where smiles have been,
I wish those smiles were hath been because me.

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Love should not need

“Love should not need” by Esmond Ng © copyright 07/01/06

Words from Thy Heart need not speak,
For tongues unworldly fit deem to say of it.
See need not Love’s eye to sight,
That what you be feeling needn’t show explicit.

Thoughts as such no one seems know,
Less even as to touch your soul.
I beg to differ that it be not the involvement of hands,
That melts what where your true self beats.

Thou longeth for glances candied and delicate lips,
Even memories to warm up and safe keep.
But most of all what your beatings forlorn need,
Is a Love; fairytale ever after to exist.

I be saying all these as same I somewhat agree,
That what you dearly hold on to I can relate honestly.
If kind fate should ever decree favorably,
Too I search what you too seek.

Magical if such Love should indeed extant be,
Doubt I that Thou will really ever should need;
Such speech, sight, mind and senses sweet,
For Love is the only thing needed transcend all these.

No words said but thoughts the other knows,
No visions but the other Thee clearly in head sees.
No tendering touches but still lucidly; felt we.
For Love true should if exist,
All these irrelevant be; we not need.

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The Sixth Sense

“The Sixth Sense” by Esmond Ng © copyright 08/12/05

The first being you my eyes see,
That such is sense sweet of sight.
That Love they say blind is,
Nay I say for you not their visions find.

Secondly the serene sound of Thee,
Voice as choir concordant pleasing.
That all who chance hear of such music,
Shall no longer stray but choose near stay it.

Third my nose will first recognize,
That scent of fresh on Thy skin fine.
Which lingers as flowers in Spring,
Luscious I remember will always seem.

That fourth sense of touch never can forget,
The sensations when skins they match.
Cause hearts to beat uncontrollably,
And breaths hastened to the beats.

Only once did our lips meet,
Yet this fifth feeling is forever engraved deep.
The taste of innocent lips,
The pervading taste of Love’s reach.

Such are five senses commonly said,
But one more true that is the sixth.
That the one truth from the heart Love speaks,
Is the one which overrules all the preceding.

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This Place

“This Place” by Esmond Ng © copyright 25/11/05

After all, this was where I first saw you in white angelic.
The place I picked you up from for our first date.
The place I thought I would see the sweetest thing to my eyes each every day.
The place which stayed the one who took my last true love breath away.

At this place I hold much lovely memories but also pain.
That I would hurt someone and disappoint her till this day.
At this place, never the same it will be.
At this place, they soon will tear down; cease to exist.

But at this place, though no longer soon be;
Will stay the same in heart and mind; like you be to me.
For I to you, believe you still say the same;
That you be a holder of past “begone” memories.

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Purple Butterfly

“Purple Butterfly” by Esmond Ng © copyright 04/11/05

Purple prose the butterfly,
On flower top did it’s beauty shine.
Slender it’s body yet big,
Its wings of colors in social settings.

So attractive yet exclusive it be,
That all attention should flock around Thee.
For ornate and ever so pretty,
In mind though ago last I long time meet.

Purple in all ancient royalty,
My princess found I in Thee.
That all my world like the flower I be,
Should await your florid setting upon me.

Same feeling in abdomen I get,
Butterflies when you my eyes set.
For it be my heart beats uncontrollably,
When purple prose the butterfly I see.

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Rainbows

“Rainbows” by Esmond Ng © copyright 12/10/05

Rainbows, the most spectacular show of lights on Earth.
Colors which make happy even the darkest of Hades.
Called so due to dispersed spectrum through mist,
Miracle of Nature indeed it is.

Seven colors some deem display of refraction properties.
Simply I ascribe each to every day of week,
That thoughts of you equally as pleasing sweet;
So such candied beauty is actually reflected on Thy cheeks.

What makes it all amazing, the bow of the rain,
Bending it’s colorations down for Thee.
Few fathom the top of bow is where ye sun is peaked,
The very place Thou be when Thy eyes chance upon should it.

More so fewer knows the sun be behind when Rainbows are seen;
The warm rays of console backing you though unseen.
When Thou should thinkst all is gloom and so biting,
Turn and look, there may your forlorn beam be.

I have heard from a dear friend this,
“That everyone through storms go before a Rainbow achieved.”
Think of it this, even Noah’s storm for forty days and nights did;
Take heart Dearie, your Rainbow is on due way soon you’ll see.

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The Disconsolate Angel

“The Disconsolate Angel” by Esmond Ng © copyright 06/10/05

Seemingly beyond consolation you lay,
In your tears hidden by the feigning smile you display.
But bystanders they truly see in Thy angelic grace,
That your rainbow will come soon; hold on to your faith.

Thou art remain strong I pray,
The disconsolate Angel in all so beauty’s allure.
If so really Thou’s soul did die when he went away,
How so the world stays in awe when my eyes set on your face?

For not all will appreciate an Angel image,
Just like an unbeliever to a miracle’s envisage.
Wrong he did to you; you so unfairly perceived,
However wrong then you, because he be the one on losing’s receive.

Sometimes Love not work our way,
It’s been so since man can relate.
Not at all smooth our experiences vouch this journey,
But after each means we are closer to our fairy dreamings.

With every heart-felt pain we take away,
Lessons learned, all of which valuable to assist.
After storms, we then know better what future brings,
And what to avoid when rainbow’s gold at end we see.

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