14 Ways to know if you’re Broken

1. You realize that you can feel all the emotional statuses appearing on your Facebook feed.
2. You realize you can zone out for extended periods without any recollection of what you did, how you got to somewhere, why were doing something, et cetera.
3. You have compulsive behavior over things you know don’t make a difference to the issue.
4. You need to control the verge of tearing the minute you are alone. e.g. In the washroom’s cubicle.
5. You have to fight back tearing at your colleague’s personal life sharing.
6. You can tremble your lips within 10 seconds, well your eyes within 20, and switch from all smiles to a face full of tears within 30.
7. You cry uncontrollably to Wedding proposal videos on YouTube.
8. You cry to memories half a year old.
9. You cry to imaginary scenarios you create.
10. You cry to anything and everything remotely touching.
11. You cry during Worship sessions at church.
12. You cry without realizing that you are.
13. You tell everyone that you’re alright but you know deep down that you are capable of swinging back to the lowest point at the snap of a finger.
14. You managed to say yes to all the above within the last 2 weeks.


Can You Feel This?

“Can you feel this?” by Esmond Ng 09/10/11 © Copyright

They say Lovers’ hearts are connected,
Do you concur with they?
That one would feel the other’s pain,
Do you are you the same?

For this now shattering falling apart each worse than the last,
With every new day’s curse exponentially crushed.
Ceteris paribus but yet the air I feel thinning,
And how my breathing’s choking my own breathing.

In my silent screams I jerk sometimes looking up to see,
Nothing but what blur a person drowning might glimpse.
Beneath the salty sea of tears my head would downwards quiver,
Forms but another sea of which for me to go under.

I look into the mirror but all is your face in it,
And it hurts for me to see you in such manner.
But it’s my own crinkled lips and clatter of teeth that’s here,
My convulsions you go through too I wonder?

I love you and you said,
Each time I said you’d miss a beat.
How can something so right be so wrong,
That you’ll bear for me to give away?

You have on my chest rested and heard,
That it beats for you too surely.
And in my embrace you have felt,
The world of you in me.

How am I supposed to live without you,
When you take the reason my heart beats away?
How am I supposed to live,
If my world would cease without you to exist?

This whole ballad was written drenched,
And I can hardly see what was penned.
But every word was coughed out,
Amidst the breaths I tried to catch.

There is hardly any more beautiful,
Than waves that return.
To kiss the very shore it loves,
After each it’s sent away.

I know that at times things may beyond me be,
And none I can do but wish you smiles and better than me.
But if we are as magically linked as we both agreed,
My Queen, surely you can feel this.
Surely you can feel this.


The Greatest Distance

“The Greatest Distance” by Esmond Ng 26/01/09 © Copyright

The greatest distance between two,
Not for when I not next to you.
But for when face to yours see,
Not oblivious to each’s burning ardency.

It is for then when you in front of me,
And yet when Love we know subsist,
And yet whilst this passion flamingly,
That we know Fate will never let us be.


The Lead Box

“The Lead Box” by Esmond Ng 08/01/09 © Copyright

Choices not apparent the always,
Deceivable most times the case,
If be uninvolved so snap smooth the first place,
Then what of choice would be it in dawning preface?

How we then make verdict of it all?
Consensus concord a volition pray.
For some in haste and foolhardy made,
Regrettable woeful will afflict its place.

Bassanio too was worriment engaged,
For dependent was Portia on his take.
Should gold, silver or lead be his box picked?
Should he cull a coward pick?

As stairs of sand they wear upon their chins,
The beard of Hercules and all their fancy things.
But inward with their milk’d white livers,
So too the precious metal boxes contain.


The Disconsolate Angel

“The Disconsolate Angel” by Esmond Ng © copyright 06/10/05

Seemingly beyond consolation you lay,
In your tears hidden by the feigning smile you display.
But bystanders they truly see in Thy angelic grace,
That your rainbow will come soon; hold on to your faith.

Thou art remain strong I pray,
The disconsolate Angel in all so beauty’s allure.
If so really Thou’s soul did die when he went away,
How so the world stays in awe when my eyes set on your face?

For not all will appreciate an Angel image,
Just like an unbeliever to a miracle’s envisage.
Wrong he did to you; you so unfairly perceived,
However wrong then you, because he be the one on losing’s receive.

Sometimes Love not work our way,
It’s been so since man can relate.
Not at all smooth our experiences vouch this journey,
But after each means we are closer to our fairy dreamings.

With every heart-felt pain we take away,
Lessons learned, all of which valuable to assist.
After storms, we then know better what future brings,
And what to avoid when rainbow’s gold at end we see.


Four Dreams

“Four Dreams” by Esmond Ng © copyright 30/08/05

The other night you were away,
Out went I, gallivanting amidst boisterous crowds.
Fluttering to music or rather, noises all too loud;
Loneliness did help, aid to plug them out.

How happy you could not see,
My face that moment of message yours I received.
But it must have been noticed my face which gleamed,
For burdened everyone else’s around me.

Seemingly drunk I stammered home,
However fresh your memory I hold untainted close.
That all I can think of is Thee in foreign land remote,
And how far my baby is though under the same moon glow.

After much debate did my eyes actually occlude,
To sleep I thought “Hey, tomorrow will be better posed.”
Serenity tranquil associated to rest not true,
For it seemed my night was terribly consumed.

Four times aroused through the dark slumbers,
Each time I recall, I dreamt of only you.
And once did I cry before from truly forty winks awoke,
How else could my pillow and sheets be soaked?

They say a drunk’s word most honest; it be true,
Wanted to know whose name I’d call if I were juiced.
Wanted to see if in Love really I be with you,
No need an answer now for my seek of candor truth.

For know I this moment where it belongs,
My heart and yearnings; they for you.
At least I fathomed my feelings as honest real,
At least I know now my breath breathes for you.


How can you not know where it be?

“How can you not know where It be?” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/08/05

I remember everything you ever told me,
That examples many I can quote Thee.
How can Thee not know where it be?
That your Heart belongs to who with?

“That sooner or later people will know” shows it.
“That with Thee’s each missing of me” shows it.
“That with you have changed driver” shows it.
“That with each other’s face cringed” shows it.

“With each time you show me to others” proves it.
“With each penguin’s nod agreeing u miss me” proves it.
“With acknowledging already me your new driver” proves it.
“With each lovely and concerned word you speak” proves it.

Each kiss and hug that lands on other each,
Each intimate moment you could not have faked it.
Even to extent for my good Thee wanted to hurt only,
So that I may move on but you suffer silently.

“How can you not know where It be?”


Lavender Tales

“Lavender Tales” by Esmond Ng 24/05/05 © copyright

Lavender, color of pale violet;
Pallid my checks without sight of thee.
Yet ye color of radiance beams,
On thy face is what long I to see.

Wildly commonly cultivat’d,
So wild my bushes burn for thee.
Tardily the bush fires my heart in,
Eats up single every ounce of me.

Its oil produce from which,
Makes luscious what perfumes need.
With each squeeze of the purple dream,
Comes each true feeling felt for thee.

Lavandula, fragrant really to me,
Not because of smells to flowers sweet;
But for meanings within thee thou has to agree,
That my Love, you equal as to it.


Dead without having dying

“Dead without having dying” by Esmond Ng 04/04/05 © copyright

My heart beats, yet I’m not of the living.
I’ve breath but it be not air I breathe.
Tears soak which my face yet not I’m crying.
Then why so am I still living?

Everywhere the world moving,
why feel I my world has crashed in?
If a smile future be on my face,
would thou think it be called smiling?

If be true special one me,
why has thou forsaken thee?
A friend I have in Him?
Why too He has left me?

My poet favorite did, say of Love smooth not running,
never did I comprehend thee, that he be truth is speaking.
Living but yet not living;
Dead without having dying.