Henry Ng (08/08/1947 – 03/04/2012)

Dad and I

Dad and I

“Henry Ng” by Esmond Ng 24/05/2016 © Copyright

We had a few scares quite before this,
Nurses call’d to quick, come him see quick.
The alert, this time, follows through,
His breath last, my Dad into Heaven pass’d.

I thought prepar’d was I was,
For he’d defi’d death 3 years elong.
When all had predict’d life of year half in him,
What more, how longer much could we have entreat?

But I was wrong.
Whether foreknown or abrupt it comes,
Nothing prepares you for a kin’s repose,
Nothing gets you ready for your blood’s loss.

I didn’t cry; not then.
I told myself a relationship we hadn’t had.
Maybe he was never there, or maybe Love I had never felt,
Maybe it was something I had conjur’d, had made up.

But he was there when I was born,
Beaming ear to other, holding me in his arms.
He was there when took I my steps first,
And words utter’d in such random firsts.

He held me up to God at the Baptism service,
He’d probably too was first, to for me tears shed.
He was there to help with all my childhood cake candles,
And he was there when mom came cane-charging choler.

Dad was there, how not manag’d to see I it?
Heck, he was there at my first dental visit!
He was the first to put a hanky in my pocket, something which I still do carry,
He had even taught me to ride my red bicycle at our very first picnic.

You should have seen him when topp’d I my class,
Or when he boast’d to others my horrid guitar strums.
All would know if I did anything well, relatives and neighbors,
Why didn’t I make him more proud, just a little more proud?

When I bought my bike verboten, he shook his head and got me a car,
When I bump’d it, he never once accomplish’d a single sound.
He sav’d on everything but not on me did,
Flight’d me away to Aussie for studies, Crikey! Indeed.

Even when we fought and shout’d at other each,
Nothing ever stay’d sour’d for very long.
He provid’d and gave but never asked for return anything,
He gave me his Love, how could I not have notic’d?

We did a number of things together, together,
From karaoke to washing the car to hitting the gym strong.
How did we end up like this, distanc’d and dissociat’d?
Why hadn’t I, had not effort put in enough?

Retrospect, surely our relationship, not estrang’d,
I seem mistaken, he was there no doubting it.
His actions ensu’d no reason other but Love,
Least I forget, Dad was Dad all along.

I bet there’s way more he did than I can here in speech,
And now he’s gone, I cried eventually, what good is it?
Perhaps in another decade half him I’ll again see,
Perhaps then we could redo what we’d miss’d.

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Why wasn’t I the First?

“Why wasn’t I the First?” by Esmond Ng 23/01/11 © Copyright

To me Love is but to Love,
Nothing less than which suffices the word.
To me Love is surely to give,
Unconditionally to put the other as first.

When sit I in still of night ponder,
Why of all do I miss Thee every unengaged?
Of my waking moments does do doeth,
That you fill my mind of you and your images.

Nothing else matters,
For you am I yours only should you ask given.
I am everything I choose for you be,
If only you see what I see.

But this night I sit again yet rethinketh,
What be I to you then I wonder.
Would I be to you what you be to me?
Would I be first everything just like my Love to me?

For you not to me what I to you,
Always had put in first place my heart true.
I believed once, I did,
I believed in you and me.

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Tired and Busy

“Tired and Busy” by Esmond Ng 23/01/11 © Copyright

You’re tired yet you go for your draining games,
You’re tired yet you wine away before your next early workday.
You’re busy yet you with friends have time for travel & merry,
You’re busy yet your actions oft tell a different story.
I understand fully yet I cannot help feeling dismayed,
That while you’re tired you have energy left but not for me,
That while you’re busy you have time for all others but not meet me,
I comprehend fully that you wish when the above you do makes you happy,
But if I were you I’ll give everything just to next to you be.

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