“God works in mysterious ways when you allow Him into our lives. Earlier today I was pummeled by terrible bolts of mood-swings, those sudden moments where all one’s worst recollections congregate in an unannounced cacophony. Perhaps, it’s not something that an uninitiated could readily empathize. To prune, imagine depression in intermittent espresso shots. Just when I felt that it was going to be another dingy day, God squeezed a beaming smile from within me. I was dragging my disparaged spirit back towards office after lunch when I noticed a pram’d Caucasian boy of three thereabouts setting his eyes intently on me. The instant I drew up alongside him, he let out the cutest chuckle ever while waving his bitty hands up at me! His eyes lit up, resembling sparkles on a new year’s eve night. It was like he knew me. It was like God smiling at me through this little darling, reassuring me that He’s got me and everything is alright. I smiled wholeheartedly.” ~ Esmond Ng 11/01/12

“‎It’s much easier to find something when the lights are on.”
~ © Esmond Ng 04/12/11

“I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.” ~ John 8:12

“Lean not on my own understanding? In foremost, what do I even understand?” ~ © Esmond Ng 03/11/11

I am but flesh and meek,
Make my weakness perfect in Thee.
My strength I call out to,
The author and finisher of my faith,
Uphold me, uphold me.
Amen.

Well in any story, there has got be some twist and turns right? At some point in time my “perfect” family started to crumble. Sparing the details, my sheltered existence took one of the biggest downturns I had ever been accosted with. I started to blame God for everything bad that happened even though I knew he had an infallible plan for us all. Despite that, blaming someone else was always the easiest option. I simply chose to not see his faithfulness carrying me through.

I wanted more than just contend to know that God was there. Becoming defiant, I conveniently turned my back to him. I wanted my own “Miracle” to prove that God still loved me. I would often say: “If you are omnipotent and all knowing, show me a sign. Show me that you are real to me.”

From then on, things got really bad. I dropped out of church and indulged in almost everything unholy and corrupt. To be honest, I haven’t really fully recovered until this day. Although I knew deep down that God was always watching me and keeping me safe, I elected to ignore all the little rainbows he sent to me. So there I was, continuing with my new-found “freedom” and uninhibited lifestyle.

I guess everything has a threshold. As a balloon can only stretch that much, a person can only tolerate so much pain. My breakdown point was really Jero. (in a few posts prior) He is such a darling to me that I really didn’t have the strength to envisage the possibility of loosing him so soon. In desperation, I could only think of God to turn to. He was the only One that I could really confide in and pour everything that hurt me all these years. In all candor, it felt really good. It felt like all the weight that had burdened me all this time was suddenly lifted.

All this desolate while, my oasis was right in front of me. I had just blatantly brushed it off as a mirage; turning a blind eye to it. I had my “Miracle” all along. It just took Jero to show it to me.

No, the miracle wasn’t Jero’s recovery. It is God’s steadfast love and endless mercy for me. It is God’s undying affection for a wayward child like me. He is the alpha and the omega that I just didn’t want to see. He did not promise life to be a bed of roses. But he did promise that he’ll be there to carry us all through. Amen.

A man walked in to the hairdressers to get his hair cut. After the cut he commented: Thats a very nice cut! He paid and left. Before leaving the barber said: Of course, Im a good barber. On his way out, the customer saw a dirty beggar by the street with long unkempt hair. He immediately turned back into the saloon and told the barber: You are not a good barber. If you were, the man outside would have his hair cut! The barber replied: Oh yes, Im a good barber. If the man comes to me, Id definitely have cut his hair. Similarly, its not that God does not exist. But rather, only people who dont go to Him.

Source: Unknown

I need my haircut soon.

Dear Lord,

Oh how I’ve forsaken Thee.
For the last ten years, I thought Thee has too left me.
I do realize that answers may “No” sometimes be,
But never did I accept your decisions for me.
Oh how bad it was without Thee.
My life plagued like pagan Egypt,
How suffered I the ten years without ease,
Never felt ever that You be my peace.

Awakened this night all so suddenly,
Realized the pair of footprints be Thee that carryeth me.
Thank you for never letting go of this wayward sheep,
For everything, Thee has provided abundantly.
The two most important weeks to me you gave,
Of my life; others, most will never even glimpse.
I appreciate my Moulder and Father above,
Really Thee has been good to me.

Amen.

The man whispered. “God, speak to me.”
And a bird sang.
But the man did not hear.
So the man yelled, “God, speak to me.”
And the thunder rolled across the sky.
But the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said, “God, let me see you.”
And a star shined brightly.
But the man did not see.
And, the man shouted, “God show me a miracle.”
And a life was born.
But the man did not notice.
So the man cried out in despair, “Touch me God, and let me know you are here.”
Then, God reached down and touched the man. But the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

Source: Unknown

I found this to be a great reminder that God is always around us in the little and simple things that we take for granted.