Look before you leap

I recently read in the papers about a really unfortunate incident that happened in Taiwan. A lady plagued by illness decided to take her own life by leaping off a building. The untoward circumstance was that she had landed on an innocent passerby; taking her life. Condolences and solace to the families. I’m not going to blog about who’s outcome deserving or not. But it got me thinking about writing something that we all do so often; leaping before looking.

Whether it be in love, career or daily choices, we all frequently make irrational rash decisions every now and then. All so repeatedly, we draw conclusions from ill-informed information based more on our foolhardy emotions. After which many we would deeply regret.

I’m guilty of falling into this emotive trap at times. I too have many contributions to this lamentable list of imbecilic mistakes. What’s worse is that we ofttimes hurt someone else in the process as well. Remember the Chinese phrase?

Direct translation would mean: “Spilled water can’t be retrieved.” What we do or say are simply irreversible. Once the damage is done, it’s done. I would like to take this chance to apologise to everyone that I have ever hurt directly or indirectly, knowingly or unknowingly.

Maybe it’ll do us all some good if we remind ourselves to really look and think, deliberate if we have to before we start leaping away again.


God’s Miracles

I grew up in a Christian family and did all the things other Christian kids did. Going to sunday school, joining youth fellowships and trusting God as my Lord and Saviour. Although I was “born” into a Christian family, I genuinely knew for myself that God was real in my life. I ended up getting very involved in the youth worships; playing the guitar and occasionally leading it. Everything seemed to be heading in the right direction. God blessed me tremendously. I did very well in school; getting scholarships, book prizes and the lot. I never had any major catastrophes to deal with. So basically life was all good.

Well in any story, there has got be some twist and turns right? At some point in time my “perfect” family started to crumble. Sparing the details, my sheltered existence took one of the biggest downturns I had ever been accosted with. I started to blame God for everything bad that happened even though I knew he had an infallible plan for us all. Despite that, blaming someone else was always the easiest option. I simply chose to not see his faithfulness carrying me through.

I wanted more than just contend to know that God was there. Becoming defiant, I conveniently turned my back to him. I wanted my own “Miracle” to prove that God still loved me. I would often say: “If you are omnipotent and all knowing, show me a sign. Show me that you are real to me.”

From then on, things got really bad. I dropped out of church and indulged in almost everything unholy and corrupt. To be honest, I haven’t really fully recovered until this day. Although I knew deep down that God was always watching me and keeping me safe, I elected to ignore all the little rainbows he sent to me. So there I was, continuing with my new-found “freedom” and uninhibited lifestyle.

I guess everything has a threshold. As a balloon can only stretch that much, a person can only tolerate so much pain. My breakdown point was really Jero. (in a few posts prior) He is such a darling to me that I really didn’t have the strength to envisage the possibility of loosing him so soon. In desperation, I could only think of God to turn to. He was the only One that I could really confide in and pour everything that hurt me all these years. In all candor, it felt really good. It felt like all the weight that had burdened me all this time was suddenly lifted.

All this desolate while, my oasis was right in front of me. I had just blatantly brushed it off as a mirage; turning a blind eye to it. I had my “Miracle” all along. It just took Jero to show it to me.

No, the miracle wasn’t Jero’s recovery. It is God’s steadfast love and endless mercy for me. It is God’s undying affection for a wayward child like me. He is the alpha and the omega that I just didn’t want to see. He did not promise life to be a bed of roses. But he did promise that he’ll be there to carry us all through. Amen.



Are you a shopaholic? Always buying things that you won’t even use later? Using money that you do not have yet? (e.g. Credit Cards) Here’s a little something just for you compulsive shoppers:

“There are people buying things that they don’t need,
to impress people that they don’t know,
with money that they don’t have.” ~ Unknown


Jero’s Operation

Poor Jero put on drip

Poor Jero put on drip

It was a really nerve-racking weekend for me. This is the second time Jero had to go under the knife for the same affliction; stones in his bladder.

I was told that he had a higher risk as the length of anesthesia was longer this time round due to the seriousness of his condition. To make matters worse, there was a complication during the surgery.

They had to first inject fluid through his privates to “pump” the stones from his urinary track back to the bladder in order for removal. Unfortunately there was too much pressure and his bladder ruptured! OMG!

Luckily, the doctors managed to sew the ruptured bladder back, saline flush his abdominal cavities and remove the stones smoothly. Actually I was really pissed. However, the important thing was that he was alright. Imagine the fright I had when they told me his bladder had “burst”.

After spending 3 days hospitalised and 1.9K in bills, he was finally fit to go home. I’m telling you: “This is verily the longest itemised receipt I’ve ever received!”

He’s doing alright now that he’s been home for 2 days; running around and trying to beg for food again. It’s pretty amazing he’s that active actually.

Bet he’s going to shiver again at the vet’s this Sunday for stitch removal. I just want to thank God for watching over my little Boy.


No Expectations

No Expectations

A dear told me some months back: “Do things without expectations, then you wouldn’t be disappointed when you don’t get reciprocal results.” Well, that seemed pretty amazing coming from her. Deliberated, mulled and surmised that it was true. You see, work = force x distance. So going the distance means one would have to work with force in variable extents. If you put in so much effort in something, you’d naturally expect certain returns. If not, you would not have otherwise humanly done it in the first place. As often as we would instead like it, these results can turn out rather dispiriting. Thus to avoid this dampening gloom, not expecting anything in exchange would be our safest bet!

Stuck with that for awhile but soon realized this objective way of doing things was just not mortally possible! The basic fallacy of this statement is it ignores the fact that we are mere flesh and blood; frail and fragile. Any other way to agree otherwise would devoid us of our creatural roots. We are all selfish to some degree or other. Don’t you agree?

How about unconditional Love? The Love of Jesus to His children? The Love of parents to their offsprings? Are we not capable of unconditional Love? Or does it just not really exist in our mundane and secular world? Are self-sacrifice and fairytales just meant for novels and movies? Yet again, some would beg to disagree. I for one would choose to believe. For even cubs to lions mean the world, what less our Loves to we?

Yes, we are self-seeking but also perishable. So why should the nice things we do for people be? Then you ask me: “Summation be, should we expect?”

Esmond’s Very Own Quote for May:

“Give as you would expect receive. And perchance, you’d be surprised with what you tenfold inherit.”
~ © Esmond Ng 09/05/06


Worst Times?

“Worst Times?” by Esmond Ng 15/12/06 © copyright

When ye skies full grey,
Think your days shadow’d dismay.
Blurr’d sorrow will not let see,
Your eyes to heaven’s sun rays.

For hidden they be,
Behind cloudy bearings they’ll surface.
Of light, of hope, and do await;
The sky is never gloom stays.

If pours from it Love as tempestuous,
Like tears from which stream Thy face.
If not for such solemn toilsome winds,
Would Thou see the betters of they?

May rainbows much exceedingly,
Sought itself to please to surface.
After the sheets of brief, grief rain,
Betters after each every pain.


The Tests

The Tests

With the exception of some rare shibboleth individuals, most of us will sparsely embrace the idea of taking tests. Whether in school or in Life, tests present themselves as a really arduous and onerous experience!

However truth be that Life very much resembles tests. It places us in situations where there are just too much uncertainties and variables. Recollect the last time you were sitting for a paper. No matter how prepared you were, there were bound to be questions where you just could not comprehend or answer. What would your strategy be then? Spend every last second on that problem? Perhaps, the more fitting one would be to carry on with the paper and return to this botheration later.

Life is exactly like this. Whenever we run into a predicament, we spend countless nights in deliberation and end up being totally vexed. What we fail to see is that like the test, Life is time constrained. We only have a limited number of earthly hours and we all have an expiry date on our bodies. Why do we persist in using up all our resources solving the baffling encounter?

When one has tried adequately yet fall short of results, it is really time to move on. In Life, it’s the same. Carry on with the rest of your lives! There are really more things to savor and enjoy beyond the current slump you are in. I’m serious. Wouldn’t you agree that it’s absolutely not worth it foregoing the scorings on the rest of the paper for that one question?

Esmond’s very own quote for April:

“Life is like a test. When u hit a patch, move on to the rest and come back later!”
~ © Esmond Ng 03/04/06



“Charyle” by Esmond Ng © copyright 29/09/06

Charyle French of which,
Close to seem of little and womanly.
Name aptly to fit,
She that what it means.

For Her Her façade sweet,
Yet charm no not lacking.
From dozens more of her pics,
More allure than all my eyes seen.

Bloom if Thou art exquisite,
Then whole fields of petals I’ll see.
Not for sun shineth on Thee,
But for sun shimmers for She.


My Bubu Dream

“My Bubu Dream” by Esmond Ng copyright © 11/08/06

Sugary most not definitely,
Taste if sweetened bifold still lacking.
Why Time still bitter bids me chimera,
When all in alpha was such heavenly.

What more a man can be?
When in dreams his stance airs not his belief.
In reverie when vagary permits,
He chooses silence yet to speak.

They say dreams best for utopian schemes,
Where you are master of all it.
Then why not did I stage a better hit,
Why chose I a tragic love misfit?

I comfort though in succor of relief,
That Thee I glimpsed in beaming bliss.
For this I may never awaken see,
If not my lucid Bubu dream.


I Love You

“I Love You” by Esmond Ng © copyright 03/03/06

These three words most commonly used;
Misused, underused and superfluously accented.
For oft-imagined they only indulged in Lovers’ converse,
Neglected Love of kinships and friends due.

If Fate so callously command should to me,
That next beautiful sunrise again I will never see.
Then let all I adore be told these three,
Lest they cease to ever remember me remember Thee.

For Love be from me to my Parents rightfully,
And Love be to all close or even acquainted me.
Not least be Love to fore Lovers of mine give,
That each did I bare for Thine wholeheartedly.

Did chance not I had to profess all these?
Nay I say, for my actions they preceded me.
Only for moments with me not around to please,
I Love You for moments just like these.


Your Smiles

“Your Smiles” by Esmond Ng © copyright 20/02/06

If a smile can win the world over,
Nothing is beyond Thy reach.
If a smile can make grey skies blue,
Why rainbows do we need?

A child’s smile innocently put,
Melt hearts without universal speech.
If smiles do miracles around us every each,
Then why not I see you smile more than you really mean?

Thee had said smiles better frowns than,
For someone may indeed be falling for them.
Losing only to a loving kiss,
A smile’s a gift kindly a beautiful thing.

I believe smiles genuine stems from happiness within,
Something we all long but forlorn it seems.
Why not let your smiles guide life along with steps take Thee,
For they mean you be most joyous at that instance be.

I seek a smile on you every second to see,
A smile on you brings many smiles to me.
For wrinkles not age but tells where smiles have been,
I wish those smiles were hath been because me.


What is Love?

What is Love? Each one of us will at one juncture in time ponder over it. Just what is Love? We draw conclusions from movies, friends and social norms. To each his or her own, we come up with our own yardsticks to try and reconcile this quandary. With what extent of certitude have we? To what amount are we unequivocal about Love and its meaning?

I have in my blog, numerous poems and posts regarding what I feel Love is. Yet, I am unsure. I am lost and feeble; vulnerable and nakedly exposed. As sudden as a gust of wind, I recall something which may aptly relate to this common dilemma. In fact, the answer may have existed all along; all through the ages and most of time.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7


“The Slumber Baby”

“The Slumber Baby” by Esmond Ng © copyright 05/02/06

Was cruising on the expressway last dark,
Soft the radio croons my favorite tunes.
There on not my right but left be,
A slumber baby midst in her dreams.

Were they sweet saccharine sugary?
The cloudland I pray not too cloyingly.
For revel I in her faerie form in silent sleep,
Not to wake but in still repose I enjoy see.

Admit I that lonely the drive not be,
For alongside me a little slumber baby.
And those stolen glances occasionally at she,
That the journey no longer seems a journey.

Such enchanting company; the slumber baby.



“Flowers” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/01/06

In colors more varied than rainbows exhibit,
Petals from assortment of flowers they carry.
Like the beauty from which these chromatics due,
Such so is her liking for such colors; such hues.

For she be no favorite of particular bloom,
That all flowers be equal pleasing; receiving too.
I know not her but seems to me she,
In love with flowers than those buzzing around her constantly.

Not to say diddly of her nor just porcelain to view,
Nay don’t get me wrong, you deserve many festoons.
For flowers they belong only to an elegant minority,
And truth be, that you amongst the very few.

I adore the way your companion puts it,
That you be personified beast’s beau.
For most of us categorized as such,
And fittingly that Thee fits beauty’s shoe.


Love should not need

“Love should not need” by Esmond Ng © copyright 07/01/06

Words from Thy Heart need not speak,
For tongues unworldly fit deem to say of it.
See need not Love’s eye to sight,
That what you be feeling needn’t show explicit.

Thoughts as such no one seems know,
Less even as to touch your soul.
I beg to differ that it be not the involvement of hands,
That melts what where your true self beats.

Thou longeth for glances candied and delicate lips,
Even memories to warm up and safe keep.
But most of all what your beatings forlorn need,
Is a Love; fairytale ever after to exist.

I be saying all these as same I somewhat agree,
That what you dearly hold on to I can relate honestly.
If kind fate should ever decree favorably,
Too I search what you too seek.

Magical if such Love should indeed extant be,
Doubt I that Thou will really ever should need;
Such speech, sight, mind and senses sweet,
For Love is the only thing needed transcend all these.

No words said but thoughts the other knows,
No visions but the other Thee clearly in head sees.
No tendering touches but still lucidly; felt we.
For Love true should if exist,
All these irrelevant be; we not need.


Forget Me

“Forget Me” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/12/05

Forget you?
Why should I?
For to me you the most pleasant;
Of all my memories present.

Forget you?
And the reason being?
Not that hopes of rekindled feelings hold,
Just as a dear friend I hope still own.

They say:
“Friends are friends forever.”
Ain’t that the way supposed it be?
Then why I feel ostracized and such enmity?

I still do cry out Heavenly One,
Not for Love to come my way.
But for happiness your way,
And all that you wish for to stay.

I may have mistakes made,
Along this lonely path swayed.
But I am just man to err,
Not an excuse but forgiveness please I pray.

At the end of my days,
I still hope to have this memory engraved.
That maybe sweet thoughts of you,
Can keep my beliefs sane.

Oh no, I haven’t changed.
I still believe, I still do keep;
That someday true Love cometh,
This never smooth road runneth.

Then I ask once again.
“Forget me”, “Why?” I say.
For all this searching while for,
A perfect memory I’ve found that day.